What If

If I could run away, and never see this life again...the sands would forever remember my foot prints...
If I could have everything I wished for, tears wouldn’t exist, nor would pain...
If I could understand the reason behind half the things I’ve repeatedly done. They would cease...
If heaven were a mile away from where I stood; Hell couldn’t hold me back...
If my writing were to stop this very day, I would most likely go crazy.

Well...I keep writing, and I keep running. I keep making mistakes, tears still fall and I can still feel pain. Those foot prints aren’t visible, and the days of my life seem redundant. I walk amongst thieves of happiness, which deprive me of the satisfaction of things accomplished.
Why do I feel like tomorrow will be the same? Am I stuck in this place stagnant...progressing the wrong way? Why do I feel the way I do. You see, your touch enlightens my soul, but yours lies have glued back the pieces of my broken heart which makes it leery. Indifference defines how I feel as if I am seen in your eyes. My body and my mind aren’t there with you, but baby you have soul and heart.You can stroke my hopes and extinguish my dreams, but release me from your talons for they dig deep into my very being. My pen seems to write in an invisible ink to you, but how come everyone can read the words? I wonder what if. What if we were better...what if we tried harder...what if we gave up...tell me don’t you wonder? What if?

Lifetime Trails 2

Time seems to come to a screeching half today, as the controversies at work splatter red paint upon my flawless canvas I have yet to finish. As the result of some unexplained phenomenon, the sun today isn’t as bright as it was a year ago, driving the Cadillac isn’t as appealing as it was a year ago, the tears that roll down my face, and fall unto the wooden color planks most would call work slacks soak in effortlessly and disappear with out so much as a trace. The struggle to be a strong black individual is becoming more of a challenge with everyday that passes. Subconsciously it makes me stronger person as my emotions become increasingly empathetic to those deemed to be pessimistic acquaintances. My friend told me, that the negativity in this world had become so dominant, that being positive is frowned upon as being an outcast or a rebel. Eventually I will be victorious in my conquest for happiness, greatness, and self recognition and it will all be within my grasp. Its not that I need recognition from other’s but the satisfaction from myself. I am a strong black male that’s doing something with his life, other than selling drugs, robbing, killing, and becoming the next place man added to the welfare statistic list. So I surround myself with positive friends, as we brush against the grain on the back hairs of today’s society, to reach a common goal of greatness. Subsequently today’s trails try to keep my submerged, but Im still a breath of fresh air, in the bubble of oxygen that keeps me stainless in today’s pollutant society. Slowly reaching the surface; Going at it the hard way…

Lifetime Trial's 1

Everyday is like a trail; or so it seems. I often would wonder how things so simple could be so complex at the same time. I find myself, desperately searching for that special someone to call my own, but it always seems to end up in failure. My friends are becoming nothing but pessimistic observer's to my life's mishaps, kids seem to speak down in a condescending manner, and my father and I aren't what you would call seeing eye-to-eye. Things just can't get any worse huh? You see everyday is like a trail to me, and I skeptically accept the challenges. However, my failures in the past have become today's greatest rewards. I have become a vigorous individual, but often depression will run its course through my veins, and I will lose sight of my goals and accomplishments. Leeringly I cling to the girl closest to me, for I don't have a mother to share that bond with. Everyday that I awake, I am constantly faced with walls and barriers which seem impenetrable, and I become un-aware of the path that leads un-effortlessly around the wall; I become headstrong and proceed with the process of dissipating these boundaries. After countless attempts, I am left stagnant with a look of dissatisfaction, as the wall still remains in tact. Turning around is impossible because my pride won't allow me to make that judgement, so again this wall or boundary, no this limitation becomes yet another trial to surpass...I'm going at it the hard way...